Thank you Heather and all the warriors at prayer meeting.
To update you all. From the looks of how my husband is doing that would give any hope to marriage--things keep looking worse and worse. The one and only good thing I can report may be a manipulation---we seem to have 3 options right now, to wait and see for the time being, to get a legal seperation I think that was already veto'd, or a divorce. So the good thing is he wanted the wait option for 2 reasons, he is afraid of starting things before the house is done being built in fear that it would upset the lender. 2nd--he remembers what I told him about how rare it is for relationships that begin while one is already married rarely last.
What I see though is that for him to really do this to me we are much farther apart than I realized. My perfect trust didn't see that. I have given him love in response to his torturous actions that certainly have most that love me furious. He sure is so far from that in his actions.
He is acting a lot like our problem child in many ways, the "I'm sorry" with no desire to change the action. The split of care to mean.
So he keeps speaking of the women in his affair as "us" "we" he even has said to me about something, "well you know I have to discuss it with her". Reconcillation is possibly the farthest thing from his mind. Crazzily he seems to still be listening to Christian music---but has said to me, I will say sorry and Jesus will forgive me. I have told him, that isn't how it works you have to walk in Grace.
Anyway, he is worse--I am not.
I am gaining strength. I have to say the anger helps with that some but Jesus has been helping my heart. Thank you for your prayers.